new year and it doesn't feel like it. it doesn't feel like a holiday at all, not too sure if it's work, or the lack of sleep or present circumstances.
reunion dinner tonight was terrible. i always get shocked by how much my grandmother has aged each time i see her; i hate seeing old people because they always make me feel like crying. i usually like watching people cook because they look like they're enjoying themselves, but when i watch my grandmother's hands, which are horribly deformed from years spent in the kitchen, lifting a scalding hot pot, i just feel this overwhelming sense of sadness that i have done so little.
in other news, i have finally seen my cousin's bf. the sister concluded that she must have felt the heat because her younger cousin was getting married. i like wedding dinners, i enjoy feeling like a normal human being when i get all misty eyed at two fools promising such absurd things, but i like the 10 course dinner better.
nostalgic sunday double bill.
our day will come.
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